I think I'm in trouble...

Brace yourselves, people silly enough to watch me - I's in a ranty mood again.

Lately, I've been feeling like someone is messing with me, and I don't know who - everything that I try seems to turn against me, making it a waste of time. The painkillers I've been using the past couple of weeks have been messing me up mentally and emotionally - and lately the days have began to blend together into a dreary existance, only brightened when I'm talking to the people around me that mean a lot to me. My family's bugger all help, my friend of nearly fourteen years has most likely decided he can't be arsed phoning or staying in contact - constantly making me feel like I'm an intrusion or pest.

The worst part is that the barriers my mind set up to block out bad memories are slowly crumbling, all because I was stupid to keep a yearbook from high school...then read through it. To be blunt, I'm a lucky so-and-so for surviving those years, and I'm kicking myself for re-opening old wounds. On top of this, I've been getting stress pains in my right arm, prompting calls from an incredibly close friend who has kept me sane to visit a doctor, despite the fact I hate doctors ((As well as dentists)) with a passion. The worst part is, my parents are half-asking, half-telling me to stop hiding in the world I've created and the shield I hide behind and live life.

But why should I when what I have is safer, and makes me happier? How can I destress when I've got so much stuff to deal with? My only hope is that I get my head straightened out before my trip to Philladelphia...